Relationships

If I was going to come up with one word that would be key to success in ministry, it would be "relationships". The order of things is important to know. Commitment happens after relationships are developed. People are asking for relationship. They want something to connect to. I read the following quote this morning:

"If church is a building, then who needs relationship? But if church is a family, then relationship is everything...CAlling the church a building is like calling people 2x4s."

If we figure that out, the church will grow and reproduce. Jonathan Gainsbrogh, an equipping missionary, says that pastors need to be CROs ( Chief relationship Officers ) rather than CEOs.

I want to relate well today.

The Sap

Two thoughts from my devotional reading this morning from the book: “With Christ in the school of prayer” by Andrew Murray.

“It is Fatherlike love that awakens Childlike trust”

“We are like a branch that is already filled with the sap of the vine and is crying for the continued and increasing flow of the sap. Just as the branch needs more sap to bring its fruit to perfection, the believer, rejoicing in the possession of the Spirit, still thirsts and cries for more.”

It is good to remember that the desire of God is that we be filled abundantly. I don’t deserve any of that sap that gives life. But it is mine because of the Father-child relationship I have with God through Jesus Christ.

I am thankful for the reminder.

You can make a difference

I was reading this morning in my Leadership challenge” book and found the following statement:

“Hope…means that no one needs to wait around to be saved by someone riding into town on a white horse. …because there is a generation of leaders searching for opportunities to make a difference….right down the block or right down the hall there are people who will seize the opportunity to lead you to greatness. They’re your neighbors, friends and colleagues. And you are one of them too. “

What I have learned and have stated over and over about success is that it is all about relationship. Our choice is to face things alone or to build relationships with others who are either going through it or have gone through it successfully. Relationship with God beats “religion” every time. The Bible tells us that Jesus went through every trial and temptation we will ever face and He successfully navigated through it. My relationship with Him is key in my life. He represents that hope that I can make a difference.

Three quotes that blessed me this morning:

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. ~Mother Teresa”


“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank”


“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James”

Let’s make a difference today!

Model it

I am finding that true leadership only happens when there is a willingness to model the behavior that is desired in the followers. Many years ago, as I was first going into the ministry, a very wise pastor told me that I was never to ask people to do for God what I was not willing to do. I think of that often as I ask people to pray, read their Bibles or to serve. A leader’s deeds are far more important than his or her words when determining how serious they really are about what they say. The words and the deeds must agree and be consistent. There are no unimportant tasks. I may not have time to scrub the floors of the office every day but I better be willing to do it once in awhile because it is an important task that I am asking someone to do. This all brings me to evaluate if I am “too busy” to be in the trenches when that is what God has called me to do. Administrative duties are time consuming but that time spent in the trenches builds the relationships that cause efficiency (and joy) to rise. This makes time spent in administration more fulfilling. It also brings me closer to God since He is all about “relationships”.

Social Capital

I am reading a book called “Leadership Challenge”, a Business week best seller. One of the concepts worth pondering is the importance of “Social Capital”, the collective value of people who know each other and what they will do for each other. It is human networks that make things happen, not computer networks. Leaders who get extraordinary things done are right in the middle of those human networks. Social capital is amassed over years of investing in building relationships. I find that I do not have to be an expert, but I need to be connected with people who are. If I have invested in that relationship wisely, they are more than willing to be there for me when that expertise is needed. It is the old rule that says withdrawals require prior deposits. Deficit spending in the area of relationships is a dangerous situation. On a spiritual level, investing time in your relationship with God will give you back much more than you put in. God will infuse your account with all you need in the areas that really count allowing you to reach out and infuse the accounts of others. When your “Who you know” list includes God, there is a peace that passes understanding in your life.

What do you Know?

In human personality books you will find the interpersonal awareness concept called the Johari Window. It is a window with four quadrants that each describe something about the way you are made up. First there is the “Arena” quadrant. These are things that you know about you and others know about you. This is the public part of you. The next window pane is the “Blind-spot” quadrant. This is the things that others know about you, but you do not know. Be thankful that you have friends in your life to confront you about these things. Blind spots can be deadly. The third area is the “Facade” area. It consists of things you know about you, but others do not know. It is in this area that we hide who we really are. This is a troubling area because we have the tendency to live in fear that someone might find out who we really are. The fourth area is the “Unknown” quadrant. Those things that you don’t know about you and that others don’t know about you. It is in this area that we learn to trust the Holy Spirit because God knows these things. If you want to get to know yourself, you must get to know God. I need to decide how much self disclosure I am going to do, and how to react and give feedback to others when I see things in them. Both decisions will have a huge impact on those around me. I think I will keep the fruit of the Spirit close:

Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control….”

Integrity in relationships

Last night in the Men’s Bible Study we were talking about being determined for integrity. Setting the course, setting the pace and making the most of the opportunity to be men of integrity. In the course of our discussion we spent some time looking at the concept of integrity during the journey as well as at the destination. If we are doing that correctly, we will find a wonderful trail of relationships in our wake. Those solid relationships will make it possible for us to have people to trust. That trust is an important ingredient to the kind of integrity God expects. I am blessed with several friends that I can count on to do what they say they will do. My goal is to be that kind of person for others that I am around. It really is all about relationships.

Cat and Dog People

I was reading about relationships this morning in John Maxwell’s book, “Life@work”. He wrote the following statement:

“There are many of us who are too passive in relationships. Such people always think that it is the other person’s job to initiate. They never make the first move toward other people. Maybe not even the second or third step. They have become so accustomed to people pursuing them, and accept the selfish pursuit of powerful people, they are all but dead in their ability to initiate toward others.”

Haddon Robinson says there are two kinds of people in the world. There are cats and dogs. The cats say “Here I am!” and the dogs say, “There you are!” Cats make you come to where they are and dogs come to you wagging their tail, getting up into your lap and licking you.

Which kind of person are you?


The Duel
(The Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat
by Eugene Field

The gingham dog and the calico cat
Side by side on the table sat;
'Twas half-past twelve, and (what do you think!)
Nor one nor t'other had slept a wink!
The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate
Appeared to know as sure as fate
There was going to be a terrible spat.
(I wasn't there; I simply state
What was told to me by the Chinese plate!)

The gingham dog went " Bow-wow-wow!"
And the calico cat replied "Me-ow!"
The air was littered,an hour or so,
With bits of gingham and calico,
While the old Dutch clock in the chimney place
Up with it hands before its face,
For it always dreaded a family row!
(Now mind: I'm only telling you
What the old Dutch clock declares is true!)

The Chinese plate looked very blue,
And wailed,"Oh dear! What shall we do!"
But the gingham dog and the calico cat
Wallowed this way and tumbled that,
Employing every tooth and claw
In the awfullest way you ever saw-
And oh! how the gingham and calico flew!
(Don't fancy I exaggerate!
I got my news from the Chinese plate!)

Next morning where the two had sat
They found no trace of dog or cat;
And some folks think unto this day
That burglars stole the pair away!
But the truth about the cat and pup
Is this: they ate each other up!
Now what do you really think of that!
(The old Dutch clock, it told me so,
And that is how I came to know.)

Building the Cathedral

If I were to ask you what your line of business is, some of you would answer by giving me the industry you are involved in. Some would answer by telling me the particular job they are doing within that industry. Either way, the real answer to that question is that we are all in the “people” business. Some are reaching people, some are serving people, some are providing stuff for people, and some are shamelessly using people. No matter what you “do” when you walk out the door in the morning, there are other people involved at some level. Some of the people we are involved with are close friends while others are total strangers. Science fiction author and essayist Bruce Sterling said:

“The information economy is not about the information or the economy. Everything important that happens there is about the relationship.”

Our experience in that relationship becomes meaningful when we participate in it. Put me in coach, I want to play! That is the big reason why relationship based websites such as
“facebook” are so popular today.

I read the following account this morning:
“One day while wondering, I came across three bricklayers. I asked the first bricklayer what he was doing.
“laying bricks,” he told me.
I asked the second what he was doing.
“Making a brick wall,” he told me.
I asked the third.
“Building a cathedral,” he explained. “

What is my perception of what I am really doing today?